Charlie was officially here at 8:27am on April 2nd and despite the surprise and concerns of him being so early our hearts were very, very full. Now we entered a phase we had not prepared for whatsoever; preemies and the NICU. Ben was able to head to the NICU with the team after they did their initial assessment in the delivery room. Thankfully, the initial assessment was really good (Apgar of 9) which was how I got to hold him in the delivery room. Ben's dad, mom, and stepdad were all at the hospital waiting for Charlie to arrive and briefly met their grandson as he headed to NICU with dad. My parents were on the road from Lubbock and more of the Wrights were on the way.
After they monitored me for awhile, they eventually let Ben take me and his parents and his sister, Carrie, up to the NICU to see little Charlie. He was stable but already hooked up to lots of equipment, including his feeding (n.g.) tube, IV (it's strapped to his arm with the big white strip to help his little arm support the needle) and lots of monitors for heart rate and oxygen. They added his oxygen cannula later on that day to help his oxygen stat stay up a little better. He seemed really calm and comfortable (and sleepy) which made it easier. Charlie was in a nursery of six babies with nurses at a 2:1 ratio. The NICU holds up to 40 babies but they are divided into various nurseries which is really good because with just six babies in a nursery, alarms and buzzers are going off all the time as babies numbers dip and jump up into concerning levels. I can't imagine if the NICU had all 40 babies in one room like you usually see on hospital dramas. The activities of just six babies was enough to keep us on edge most of the time. Nonetheless, I was able to hold him again and getting to be there and hold him was all I needed right then.
The first day consisted of several visits across the hospital from my room to the NICU to see Charlie. Really this is what the first three days consisted of mainly, going back and forth between my room and the NICU. My parents also arrived on Wednesday afternoon and it ws so good to have them here by our side. When we were in my room, where Ben and I were both were staying, we tried to get rest and in the NICU we tried to fill like we were helping somehow. Every three hours, Charlie had a feeding with his ng tube and we could help take his temperature and change his diaper. In this way, they let the parents contribute. It felt very small compared to everything the nurses and doctors were doing but we gladly took it. We also got to hold him some for skin to skin time but they didn't want him out of his isolette very much, so lots of the time it was talking to him or reading a story to him while he was in his bed.
Our other main job was for me to start pumping and praying that my milk would start coming in. I say 'our' job because it is a team effort, especially at first. This was one important way I knew I could really help him but it was slow-going the first few days. I knew it was very possible that my body might not cooperate and there might not be much I could do about it. The lactation specialist visited everyday and nurses were very helpful too. Thankfully, the tiny results of the first few days seemed to change overnight and I soon felt more like a milk production machine. I was grateful that this piece came along so well for Charlie and I now answer to Elsie.
The first weekend was probably our toughest stretch of the journey. Friday, I was discharged which meant we didn't have a place to stay that night at the hospital. They did let us keep my room until that evening and we took full advantage of it. The NICU at Presby has four parent rooms but they are only available first-come, first-serve and for three nights at a time. A few people seemed to try to dissuade us from getting one telling us we lived close and we'd rest better at home. This didn't work for me. I got us on the list for a room but we couldn't start until Monday night. Thankfully a room became open a night early so we were able to stay there beginning on Sunday night.
Leaving on Friday night was the hardest drive home I've ever had. It was my first time to leave the hospital or step outside since we had arrived the Sunday before. It was also another reminder that our birth story wasn't going the way I had dreamed. Our son wasn't with us on the big ride home, not yet at least. At this point, I think the length of our hospital time really began to set in for both of us. We had originally been told that Charlie could be in the hospital until his original due date of May 27th which sounded impossible but after watching him in the NICU with all the tubes and monitors for several days and Ben and I both started to prepare ourselves for that. It seemed like an eternity; it still does in fact just being a few more weeks into it.
Nurses cannot tell you about other NICU babies but being in one room together you cannot help noticing the other babies and overhearing conversations. Over the weekend, several babies in our nursery graduated out of NICU to the Special Care nursery. We were glad to see babies doing better of course but you can't help wondering when you'll get a turn (Ben gently reminded me that the other babies were in NICU before us and we would get there.) By Saturday evening there was only one other baby with us in the nursery and it was very, very sick. We had overheard enough conversations between the parents and the doctors that we didn't want to hear and knew this baby wasn't going home. It was heartbreaking to have to be an unintentional witness to another familiy's suffering and I couldn't help turning to our child who was in the very same nursery and getting scared of the very worst for our child. I knew our Charlie was thankfully very healthy, no one has mentioned a word to us about future surgeries, procedures or long term concerns, he just needed time to mature. But the fact that so many machines were needed to help him mature and grow was still scary.
Juli, my best friend, flew into town to be with us for a day over the weekend, which was a big moodlifter for me but also very emotional. It meant so much to have her there and I knew she was there for us in every way she could be. We talked and stared at Charlie all day and the hours flew by until it was time for her to go. My friend Sunipa was also in town from California and gave us a very welcome visit on Saturday. We had lots of friends offering to visit and help but we were so afraid about germs in the NICU that we kept visitors to a minimum for awhile.
Then on day six in the NICU, just like that in the span of a few hours, Charlie made progress in three areas and the doctor said we could move out of NICU and into the transition to home nursery called Special Care. We were surprised things improved so quickly but we would not complain. Charlie had been able to take off his oxygen cannula so he didn't need any support with breathing (other than monitoring for the times he briefly forgets to breathe), he was able to have his huge IV removed and he latched on nursing for the first time, all within a few hours of each other.
I was very happy the morning they decided to move us out of the NICU and into Special Care.
We have had such amazing support during this past month. My parents were so helpful during their entire time here. They made several trips back and forth to the hospital, grocery store, drug store, restaurants, baby store and anywhere else we need them to go. While we were in the NICU, Ben and I came home for a dinner break every night and it was really nice to come home to a house that was active and have a home cooked meal thanks to my mom. Between my parents and Ben's parents we also got all kinds of help taking care of the cats and dogs on the days and nights we weren't able to come home. My mom just loves bonding with our cats. After we were moved to Special Care, both grandmothers volunteered to be babysitters so I could go home to get afternoon naps every few days. All of our friends have been amazing too - more cards, flowers, gifts, visits and food then we ever could have expected. Our church, Munger Methodist, has also been very generous and organized a food calendar so members of the congregation and friends could bring us a meal. Home cooked food never tasted so good.
Some of the sweet deliveries we received after Charlie arrived
A sign for our room in Special Care from my counseling students at school and cards from loved ones
Gram and Aunt Carrie with Charlie
Papa and Charlie
We are now on our third week in the Special Care Nursery and progress happens every day, slowly but surely. Charlie is what they refer to as a grower and feeder. He is doing great at growing and has started to gain a few ounces almost daily. Charlie is also getting stronger and more energetic so nursing and bottle feeding are also becoming easier. The babies in Special Care learn to do both before they can go home. We are still having some breathing events where his heart rate dips and signals the alarm because he has forgotten to breath for a few moments. He recovers himself without us needing to do anything most of the time which is really good but he needs to grow out of these events so he can go home. Charlie has his own private room with a private bath, couch and mini fridge and we can stay here with him. It's almost like living in a dorm room again.
The days in the NICU now seem a long time ago but this whole month has been a blur. Remembering what it was like for the week we were there, it is really difficult to capture it in a few paragraphs. I don't think I could ever really explain it well enough, unless you've been there it's hard to get. The Special Care nursery is a completely different level of stress and worry compared to NICU. We still have hurdles to get over and daily worries and concerns but everyday his monitors go off a little less, he eats a little more on his own and we get a little closer. He will be home with us soon and that is something we appreciate every single day. I've been reminded again and again this month just how much that fact alone is worth. Hug your babies, family, friends and four-legged kiddos everyday.
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